I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
