If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
