you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
