Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
