so that wasnt chicken after all
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
