It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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