i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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