I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
