I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
