I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
