My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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