I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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