don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize