The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
