I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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