I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
