After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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