Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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