90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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