I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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