so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
