Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
