I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
