You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
