god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
