Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
