They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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