batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this just has baby written all over it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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