i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So squirting runs in the family.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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