Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
