Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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