I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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