I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
