i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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