ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
