I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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