Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Randomize