i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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