I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
