Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
