Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
