Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
