Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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