sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
