I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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