put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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