He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
