Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
