if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
