the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
