i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
