I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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