I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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