Me. At least after what I've been through.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
