so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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