for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
