i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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