If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
