Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
