my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
