i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
