I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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