It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
