well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
