just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I touched a dick in church today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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