Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
