Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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