smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
