i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Everything about him screamed your future.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
