ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
