I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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